Ask Ditzy Ghoul
A question that's plagued me for a long time is whether or not we were the lucky ones for becoming ghouls, or not. I know that I should be thankful that I'm still alive even today. Still, some part of me can't help but think that I could have died happy back with everypony else. I know it's not good for us to dwell on the past, but with everything that's happened since the war ended, what do you think? Are we lucky or not?

Ghouls, I think, are simultaneously some of the luckiest AND unluckiest ponies you could ever meet. Lucky for surviving the end of the world without being in some kind of shelter, surviving fatal radiation levels, and the fact that living such a long time provides ample opportunity to try and put more good out into the world. Unlucky because of the constant threat of feralism hanging over our heads, the decay of our physical state and in many cases mental as well, and having to witness all the savagery and horror that the wasteland had to offer in the years after the holocaust. It’s really hard to say whether it’s better or worse, since it can be different for every ghoul out there, so I try to make the most of it because I can’t go back and change anything about it.

Looks like I’m getting a visitor… that’s quite a ride you have there

Hmm... Do you think ghoul brains would require different standards than pony brains to preserve in a jar?

I think preserving brains in a jar is not really a good idea in the first place. I know plenty of ghouls that have gone feral over the years, and having a messed up body is a big part of it. I can’t even imagine having no body at all.

Would it be possible to make a spell to turn ponies into ghouls without also causing other, unwanted side-effects, such as death?

No, and I really can’t imagine any reason why you’d want to. I’ve met a ghoul supremacist before, and he was nuts. Tried to give normal ponies what he called ‘The Gift of the Undying’. Murdered a lot of innocents with radiation poisoning before he was stopped.

Is there anything you tend to run out of quickly in your store?

Ammunition and food tend to go the fastest. I try to keep those very well stocked. The fact that one of the boxcars near my store happened to be an Ironshod shipment certainly helped in the early days of Absolutely Everything. Other bestsellers include Sparkle~Cola, as I have one of the few working machines that keeps them ice cold… that I know of, the Wasteland Survival Guide itself (although I give away free copies a lot), and medical supplies.

you never your biological children (your children)? you and your husband have family problem without biological children?

My husband and I are quite happily married, and we’re taking great care to raise Silver Bell right. Dinky, my daughter before the war, was also adopted.

I have one of those "curious to know but too embarrased to ask" questions on ghouls. While I am aware ghouls are infertile and have no need for reproduction, can ghouls still enjoy "trying for the fun of it" with partners? (Or is it like a no need sleep, but enjoy naps kinda thing?) I am also aware that chems have little effect with ghouls, in which for ghouls with their libido intact, is it the same with own hormones? As in less "pleasurable" as it once was. Or is it all good as it always been?

… that’s not the sort of question I think most ponies want me to go into detail about. Yes, ghouls are infertile, but my marriage and any consummation thereof is none of your business. Clearly you weren’t all that embarrassed, considering you went and asked anyways.

Would Ghoulification make a dragon stronger or weaker?

Definitely weaker. If their scales succumbed to necrosis, they wouldn’t be nearly as resilient to explosives and firearms. As well, if their internal organs were to decay, it would probably weaken their fire breath, although I don’t know how that process actually works.

How quickly does one become a balefire ghoul? And does the length of the transformation process vary depending on the person/amount of exposure/other assorted variables?

Well, if the mutation occurs, it occurs pretty much immediately when you reach a normally lethal radiation saturation. Otherwise you just die. However, it takes longer for the signs to start showing. In my personal experience, I started losing my mane after a couple of days, and up until that point it seemed like normal, if severe, radiation poisoning. My coat started going a couple days after that, and my feathers after about a week. I looked like a plucked turkey, but thought it was done. It was after a couple more weeks that my skin really started to show decay. Let me tell you, I was freaking out pretty much the whole time, since RadAway was seeming to have no effect.

Well well, Miss Doo, you fancy yourself knowledgeable in survival? Then perhaps you can match wits (which you can't) against me? Riddle me this! You can have me but cannot hold me, gain me and quickly lose me, if treated with care I can be great, and if betrayed I will break. What am I?

I’m not very good at riddles. How about a knock knock joke?